Word Vomit.

all day, i’ve put on this plastic smile. i finally stopped smiling when i found out i STILL didnt have jorge’s package..and of course i was on skype with him..he knew something was wrong. i told him i was okay :/ but i swear, its been shipped for over 5 days now! like, wtf mate? 

anyways, i’m bawling my eyes out. i can’t stop. my breaths are getting shorter. i feel like its another panic attack..i can’t tell this time.

i dont want to go to school anymore. i want to lay in bed. smoke a cigarette. stop crying for at least 5 minutes. control my breathing. cut.

i’m not going to cut. i promised..

but do i need to? YES.

i haven’t cut in over 3 weeks..yay?

i’m done trying..so beyond done..

i don’t know if i can do this anymore. i NEED to cut. my wrists are burning because i’m NOT cutting. 

addiction? yes. most definitely.

am i scared? out of my mind.

am i thinking of death, again?…yes.

do i care about what others will think when i’m gone? of course..

do i want to die? yes.

do i want to suffer? yes.

should these be the thoughts going through a 16-year-old’s head?

nope.