all day, i’ve put on this plastic smile. i finally stopped smiling when i found out i STILL didnt have jorge’s package..and of course i was on skype with him..he knew something was wrong. i told him i was okay :/ but i swear, its been shipped for over 5 days now! like, wtf mate?
anyways, i’m bawling my eyes out. i can’t stop. my breaths are getting shorter. i feel like its another panic attack..i can’t tell this time.
i dont want to go to school anymore. i want to lay in bed. smoke a cigarette. stop crying for at least 5 minutes. control my breathing. cut.
i’m not going to cut. i promised..
but do i need to? YES.
i haven’t cut in over 3 weeks..yay?
i’m done trying..so beyond done..
i don’t know if i can do this anymore. i NEED to cut. my wrists are burning because i’m NOT cutting.
addiction? yes. most definitely.
am i scared? out of my mind.
am i thinking of death, again?…yes.
do i care about what others will think when i’m gone? of course..
do i want to die? yes.
do i want to suffer? yes.
should these be the thoughts going through a 16-year-old’s head?